Question:

I am finally serious about getting rid of my ex. He will call me 4 times a day and show up at my door?
I just want it to be over. In the past I really wanted it to work but after three years of being very over stress I have finally decided to give up. My question today. Is it better to try and reason with a person or to just ignore them when they call and show up at your door. (last time he showed up at my door and I did not answer he ended up breaking my window)+ (he is very verably abusive). Any suggestions would be appriciated.

Answers:

A-Best: You can never "reason" with an abuser. Tell him - in plain old English - that if he calls you or attempts to contact you then you WILL call police. And be willing to follow up on that threat, or he'll know that you're not serious and he'll call your bluff by breaking another window. Get out. Run away. Do it fast. This guy is bad for you, as you well know, and you need to run like hell. Best wishes, BJ  

A: Simple. Call 911 and have his sorry behind locked up and restrained. See how he likes that.  

A: That is harassment. I would get a restraining order and each time he shows up, you just call the police and they'll take care of him for you. Good luck, and I admire your strength to move on.  

A: Talk to him only once...to tell him it's over. After that, ignore him. If he gets violent, call the police.  

A: I AGREE WITH GATOR!  

A: WOW . To answer your question, I would say to TRY and reason with him first. And if you do...do it in a safe way. Public..with witnesses..etc. ALSO, phrase things in a way that will go over with him successfully. Say what ever you have to say it and how ever you think it's best to say it to get across your point.. because that's your main objection..(I just want to move on, No one is wrong or to blame, I just want to move on.) OR maybe you would say you feel better by yourself....because if he's violent he might associate "moving on" to another man and that might give him motive to be stupid. My ex did that..he's an idiot...it's been 3 years, marriage and a baby and he still does silly little things to try and get in my husband and my head. Some people are just stupid....do your best and leave the rest. Alot of people said to call the cops...dont reason but I just figure that you give it a shot. At least you'll be able to say YOU Tried...and maybe it might by some miracle work. If it comes down to it you might need to get a restraining order just in case.  

A: Why he is doing this re phoning and showing up at your door, is because he is jealous of you getting somewhere in life and coping without him and you need to put an end to this once and for all. Tell him in person not to phone you, only if its really really necessary and not to turn up unless he has asked you first. If he breaks a window, let him know from this day forward, the police will be called and a restraining order will be put in place. Good luck  

A: 2 words: Restraining order. Nicole Brown Simpson went through the exact same scenario...just an FYI.  

A: Sounds like we're in a similar situation. My ex and I just recently broke up and at the beginning, he would call multiple times and if I didn't answer, he'd text me until I called him. Fortunately for me, I moved 300 miles away so he never showed up at my door. Finally he did stop calling and texting. But only after I had an openly honest conversation with him. My guess is your ex is the same as mine was. He might need to hear you tell him that it's entirely over, that this is the best thing for you, and that you know this is the right thing to do. Maybe then he'll understand that his behavior is just pathetic instead of endearing. If he still doesn't get it, change your number. If he still shows up at your house, call the police. At that point, it's harassment.